My Centenarian Mother-in-Law

A very special birthday and the magic of a centenarian worth learning from.

Very rarely have we heard of or attended a 100th birthday. What a blessing then for our family of 136 members to have the opportunity to celebrate the centenary birthday of my mother-in-law, the eldest member whom we all affectionately call Amma - Smt. Ratni Bai Chordia. Beautiful as a gem, as her name suggests, Ratni Bai married Sri S. Manicklal Chordia in January 1939. He was a popular social worker from Mylapore, connected with various educational and social organizations in Chennai, and an Honorary Presidency Magistrate. They were blessed with eight sons and five daughters. After Appa's demise in 2006, Amma moved from their ancestral home, Ratna Mahal, in Bazaar Road, Mylapore, to Mandaveli to live with her third son, Sureshji Chordia.

On February 18, 2023, we held Amma's centenary event at Hotel Annalakshmi. The programme started with Amma's royal entry, befitting her age, into the hall. A member from every branch of her lineage lined up to welcome her. The look was regal, with Amma and her family of five generations dressed in a white-gold-copper theme. This was followed by Charan Poojan (worshipping her feet with milk) by her sons, daughters, and their spouses. Then there were songs, dances, speeches, and an audio-visual presentation that showcased various stages of her life. Amma is an incredible role model for the younger generation. We shared stories of her willpower, determination, and sacrifice for her loved ones and how she continued to be her own person.

The highlight of the evening was a short speech by Ratni Bai herself. Based on Jain principles, Amma sought forgiveness from her family for any hurt caused to them, knowingly or unknowingly, blessed them, and expressed her gratitude to them. All those present were moved by the power of her words and emotion.

More than 300 people attended the event, including Amma's 90-year-old sister. Everyone enjoyed an entry stamp of #100yearsyoung and a 2D family tree, which made a lovely photo booth. It was a beautiful event with an unplanned magical touch. 

We were stunned when we did a final count of the family members who attended the event. Exactly 100 members of Amma's family were present. What a centenarian moment it was!

When I got married and entered my husband's family in June 1985, I found there was so much to learn just by watching their interactions. I came from a small family—my parents and my two brothers. My husband was one of 13 siblings, many of whom were married and already grandparents. Therefore, I saw a range of interactions across generations and many flavors in relationships. For instance, Amma spoke with her older children like an equal but was quite strict with the younger ones. I saw so many sides of Amma—strict, indulgent, humorous, engaging, detached—depending on the context.

I slowly learned that if we can allow ourselves to explore the spaces within a relationship, we can touch upon different possibilities. Being a student of philosophy definitely helped me. I learned to suspend judgements and allow myself to be open. This helped me immensely in my roles as a wife, mother, and daughter-in-law.

I found that there were unique traits of my mother-in-law that came into play with her grandchildren. I saw her tease them and enjoy it when they teased her in return. It was fascinating to see Amma's flair at playing chaupad (the ancient game of dice), where she would usually beat the youngsters with her sharpness and speed, even today when she has crossed the hundred mark. One evening, around a decade ago, she was playing chaupad with the children when I joined in. Soon it became one of my favourite pastimes with her. Despite watching her strategies carefully, I must confess I am nowhere close to her in playing this game. But it has undoubtedly created a space of fun and cheer in my relationship with her. I am also amazed at Amma's concentration and retention. When she is reading or listening to spiritual discourses, she is fully attentive. At the end of a discourse, she can give you a perfect synopsis.

  At the age of 100, Amma Smt. Ratni Bai Chordia is a magnificent personality in her own right. Active despite her age, she is a good conversationalist with a great memory and a sense of humour. She cooks even now when she wants to indulge her grandchildren. She always achieves the same taste in her signature dishes: a flaky, crisp roti roasted in desi ghee known as baatiya; a thin broth with tuvar dal, drumsticks, and tamarind known as katth; a spicy chutney with seasonal tomatoes; and many more dishes.  

Over the years, Amma has adapted to changing times, including new views on gender equality, freedom of speech, and the younger generation's need to make their own choices about studies, work, and even marriage. Indeed, we are blessed to be led by Amma, whose energy and aura hold the experience and wisdom of a century and counting…

All photographs courtesy: Pratibha Jain

Milestone family occasions are always moments that are worth cherishing, sometimes even giving us a life lesson or two. Are there milestone family occasions you've been part of that you'd like to share with us? Do share your comment below.